Thursday, July 11, 2013
The Point of No Return
A couple days ago I read a blog post of a friend who left recently to start her graduate work in England. As I looked through her photos of her first week or so, this huge and inescapable need to be in England washed over me. I feel I have passed the point of no return, my mind has left California and there is no bringing it back. Moving to EPA took me to the brink, for sure. My new roommates are super nice and I love that I am living with them, but they are new, and all of my surroundings are new, and I feel very cut off from anything familiar. And if there's one things that is sure about me, it is that I don't like or trust new. (Except for that random exception of when "new" comes in the wrappings of something European. Then I love new.) I feel annoyed that I am going through all of the motions of moving, only to end up in EPA temporarily, instead of England where I long to be. Why can't I be there already? My future is so bright and amazing, I can't even begin to imagine the joy that I'll be able to experience, and just sitting here waiting for enough time to pass is excruciating. It's hard for me to work up the motivation to develop new or nurture current friendships that will fade away after 2 more months, but that is the absolute wrong attitude to have. I need to remember I can still make a difference, that I can still be a influence for good, and that I can learn so many wonderful things from the amazing people that currently surround me.