Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Cecilia and the Satellite

It's been a long time since I've done any real writing on my blog.  It's sort of evolved into a place where I post pretty pictures I've taken and pretend that the hard things in my life don't exist.  But I guess today I'll break tradition a little.

For those who know me well, they know that I have often considered the music of Jack's Mannequin the soundtrack of my life.  I first discovered the band when there was only one album out, and my life was relatively carefree, typical of any girl in her early 20's, and quite enjoyed a few of the tracks on the album.  I discovered the second album at a time when my life was looking a lot less like normal.  My dad had started attempting suicide, my parents got divorced, and I was in a car accident that left me with a traumatic brain injury that unable to continue the degree I was studying for at university.  Needless to say "Swim" became a song that got me through the times when I didn't believe I could go on anymore.  And the last album came out at a time when I was coming to peace with with the hard things of my life and feeling ready to live life again.  The music of Jack's Mannequin has always seemed to go perfectly with my circumstances in life, and has always been exactly what I needed at the time.

I recently saw that Andrew McMahon was coming out with a new album soon, moving on from his Jack's Mannequin days and coming out with music under his own name.  I heard the track that had been released, "Cecilia and the Satellite", and it completely blew my mind.  So fantastic, a lovely tribute to life and Andrew's new baby daughter.  And made me think:  If Andrew hadn't fought through his "Swim" days, his "Cecilia" days would never have come.  That thought gave me a lot of strength, as I've recently discovered to be swimming through some significantly harder moments in my life right now, with my dad actually having committed suicide, being over $100,000 in debt with loans for a graduate school program that I've finally managed to make progress on despite the brain damage, and being half a world away from all my family, to list off just a few issues. I'm by no means anywhere near any sort of "Cecilia" stage in my life right now (not that there aren't good things that happen in my life too, but the storm always seems to be present there in the background), but it's nice to know that even after one suffers all that they do during their "Swim" days, they are still capable in the future of having "Cecilia" days.  It's difficult to remember sometimes that hard days don't last forever, that something else awaits for you in the future.  But this new song is a good reminder for me.  This haze is only temporary, the horizon is not as far as I think, this is a storm I'm meant to ride, and hopefully soon the needle will move to a more forgiving song.  Someday I'll be surprised at all that I've learned from a broken mirror and a heart that knows fear, and how the best things are yet to come.  So I'm just going to swim.  Swim for the music that saves me when I'm not so sure I'll survive.

Music Video for Swim

Video for Cecilia and the Satellite

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