Sometimes You're Actually NOT Allergic To Gluten

Tomorrow I'm starting a 2 month experiment of not eating any gluten, soy, or dairy.  I saw a nutritionist who is dead certain I'm going to die in 2 years from something akin to diabetes or cancer if I don't eliminate such toxins from my system (ignore the fact that my blood test for gluten sensitivity was almost as negative as possible (and yes, I did do a lot of research in peer-reviewed scientific journals to make sure I was interpreting the result correctly), or even that any diabetes related blood test I've had recently is also not only within normal limits, but on the low end not even close to being borderline, or even that I don't think gluten allergy and diabetes are even remotely related.  But who knows.  I haven't taken the time to look up any research on that one).  *Warning:  It turns out nutritionist are much like chiropractors ...some of them are great and fabulous people based in real scientific principles and help benefit peoples lives greatly.  Others are just hippies with bad ideas and cost a lot of money that I never had to begin with.  (No offense to my family members/friends/old roommates whom I love dearly and are hippie-esque.  Hippies in and of themselves don't bother me, and I'm glad you enjoy your lifestyle so much.  I just can't stand when others try to force their lifestyle that I don't agree with on me.)

Why is everyone so keen to jump on the gluten-free fad?  Obviously some people really do need it.  Others of us however, plan on spending grad school in England eating scones every afternoon with tea and eventually retiring in Italy with the food of the gods, and if I don't need to be gluten-free, I sure as heck am not going to be gluten-free.  Realistically, I think the few symptoms that I have that overlap with the symptoms of gluten sensitivity are really caused by my lactose intolerance, which I do know I have, and which I still don't control very well (cheese is my last big weakness.  You'd think ice cream would be the hardest to give up, but luckily froyo exists so it ends up not being a big sacrifice.  Most of the time.....)  But regardless of what I may think, I decided to do the 2 month experiment anyway.  If nothing else it's a good lesson in self control.  I'll let you know what happens in 2 months when eat a bit of gluten again.

The Music of My Soul: An Addendum

I have a friend who often posts her current Top 25 list, and I realized that this would be a good view of the current state of my soul.  Unfortunately, this will not be an accurate Top 25 according to iTunes, since I no longer have my old computer (long story).  So here it is, a more or less semi accurate Top 25, in a slightly biased order:

1.  Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine
2.  Si Chiama Liberta by Sonohra
3.  The War Inside by Switchfoot
4.  Souvenirs by Switchfoot
5.  Geisterfahrer by Tokio Hotel
6.  Television by Jack's Mannequin
7.  Beethoven's 5 Secrets by Piano Guys
8.  Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons
9.  Kids by MGMT
10.  Due Ora all'Alba by Lost
11.  Amy, I by Jack's Mannequin
12.  Needle and Haystack Life by Switchfoot
13.  Moonlight by Piano Guys
14.  Someone Like You by Adele
15.  All This Time by OneRebublic
16.  Waiting for the End by Linkin Park
17.  You Are a Tourist by Death Cab for Cutie
18.  Eet by Regina Spektor
19.  The A Team by Ed Sheeran
20.  Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson (Don't judge...)
21.  Give Your Heart a Break by Demi Lovato (Ditto)
22.  Hidden Away by Josh Groban
23.  After the Storm by Mumford and Suns
24.  Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles
25.  Probably a Coldplay song should go here...Don't Let it Break Your Heart, Charlie Brown, or Paradise perhaps.  Or maybe Restless Dream by Jack's Mannequin.

The Music of My Soul: An Analysis

I was listening to a couple of songs the other day which I have adored for quite some time.  As I was listening, I realized that these 2 songs seem to describe the very fiber of my soul.  Not as in a "This is my favorite song of the moment" type of way, but that these songs seem to capture the very essence of who I am and who I have always been.  This also got me to pondering different songs that were important in certain instances in my life, and have a very specific meaning for me.  So here it is, my autobiography in musical form:

The two songs that describe the very fiber of my soul are Beethoven's 5 Secrets and Moonlight, both by the Piano Guys.  Also very fitting of my soul is the Mulan Suite of the Mulan soundtrack and the Riders of Rohan melody from Lord of the Rings.

The rest of these songs, while unable to capture my entirety, do capture a piece of me.

The screensaver of my mind for whatever reason, has been Come Thou Fount ever since my mission.  If I stop thinking, I immediately start humming this song.

Dream On is my theme for any great sports acheivement.

Song For Sienna describes perfectly my time in Siena, Italy.  Also Italian and also of great import to my future music listening career is L'amore by Sonohra.  I can literally still see in my mind the details of restaurant where I first saw the music video and heard the song.

Switchfoot's Faust, Midas, and Myself is a perfect metaphor for any big desicion in my life.  And for any Doctor Who fans out there, the answer is always turn left.

Fin by Anberlin comes from the end of summer and beginning of fall of 2007, perhaps the darkest time in my life.  It might have been the first time I realized that a song could put feelings into words better than I knew how, and was comforted in the fact that at least one other person in the world (presumably the writer of the song) knew what it was like to have those sorts of feelings.

Tokio Hotel music is a perfect description of my emo moods.  I like Geisterfahrer the best, though not technically the most emo.

Salvami reminds me of Kristin, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again always makes me think of Nisha and the violin, while this version of I Know That My Redeemer Lives is Camilla and a crazy Argentine vegetarian.  The Hallelujah Chorus is also a Camilla song, representing a fabulous inside joke from our time as roommates, which will probably never not be funny, nor untrue....

Swim by Jack's Mannequin came to me in the middle of a prayer when I was sure I couldn't go on through my hardest trial anymore in Boston.

Time of Your Song by Matisyahu is baseball.

Red and Black from Les Miserables is my song I sing on the way to any opera.

And no matter how hard I try, whenever I hear More Than A Feeling on the radio, I can not get this scene out of my head.  I will be 80, and still have this association.

That's all I can really think of for now.  So there you have it, my soul/life in music form.

I finally have a future, and other noteworthy happenings

I have a friend who has heard me say many times over the past months that I have no future.  She always got a kick out of it, but unfortunately for her the time has come to change my mantra.  Over the past few months I've been trying to figure out what I should do with my life, and I had kind of reached a logical conclusion (logical, but not really exciting).  Going back to grad school for physical therapy had become increasingly more out of my reach and unreasonable, so I was deciding to settle for a program to become a physical therapy assistant.  Which isn't necessarily a bad choice, I just felt it wasn't quite living up to my potential.

In the midst of my future musings, I read an article about how athletic training is starting to progress in England, and I discovered a program for a Master's Degree in Sports Therapy in England.  This program sounded so exciting, but at the same time I realized this really wouldn't do anything for me career-wise.  But it refused to leave my mind.  Over and over again, it would sneak in and seduce me, make me wish my life was different so that this option would make sense.

In my personal scripture study, I kept reading different stories of someone, or groups of people, that was in need of something good, or important, or life-saving, but they weren't given the blessing until they asked.  It led me to wonder what God is waiting to give me, if I would but ask.  So I took the chance, and asked if it were possible, that I could go to Europe.  

A few weekends ago we had a big regional single adult conference, where one of the speakers challenged us to make a mission statement of our lives.  As I sat down to ponder this, it literally took me 45 seconds before realizing that the statement that is most descriptive of my life is "Never Stop Dreaming".  And because this is me we're talking about, it wouldn't be complete until translated into a foreign language, so I decided on "Non Desinas Somniare".  And once I realized my mission statement, I realized I needed to actually live up to it, and I started to take the thought of school in the U.K. seriously.

A few days after that, I was reading a conference talk in preparation for institute by Elder Scott, called "How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration in Your Personal Life".  In the middle of reading the talk, the strong feeling came over me that I needed to go to the U.K. for school.  So I said okay.  I still didn't have an option that made sense, but who am I to argue with a prompting?  The next day as  I was researching school options, I discovered the program for me, a Master's in Physical Therapy (well, Physiotherapy, if you want to get technical) for people who have a Bachelor's Degree in a related field.  That's me!!

And so now here I am, applying to multiple schools across England and Scotland, actually envisioning myself moving to another country in a year.  One time in Boston, when I was still trying my hardest not to B-minus out of school, I tried to threaten God.  I was very involved still at that point in my life with various Italian things, and was aware of a few universities in the country with physical therapy programs.  I told God at one point, thinking I was being clever with threats, that if I got kicked out of school in Boston, I would just go to school in Europe, thank you very much.  I thought he'd see it as me being a little too crazy and so he'd help me stay in school in Boston to prevent such a drastic choice.  Turns out the whole time he was thinking to himself  "Finally!  She's starting to get it..."  

In other noteworthy news, I decided to research my future life by finally watching Doctor Who.  Unfortunately I didn't get the word from my sister about her free month trial of Netflix until there were 2 weeks left, and therefore spent this last Friday watching 11 45-minute episodes in a row, just so I could finish Season 6 in time to start the new Season 7 (which premieres Sept 1st) with my roommate.   Turns out 11 in a row is just a bit too much, by like 8 or 9.  You have no idea how many times I yelled at the screen for them to just kill the Doctor already (in my defense, by watching all of the seasons too close together, I haven't had near enough time to mourn the loss of David Tennant as the 10th Doctor and am still angry at the 11th Doctor for existing).  But now that Netflix is officially canceled, I think life can start being productive again.  Just in time for grad school applications!!

Spiritual Makeover

My sister had another marvelous thought worth blogging about.  We were eating lunch a couple weeks ago when this came up, and I can't remember exactly what started the conversation.  We both have been very proud of the fact that as girls in this world, we have managed to have quite decent self-esteem.  Don't get me wrong, we still definitely have moments of despair some days when we look in the mirror, or have things we wish were different, but for the most part we have been able to stay away from many of the dangerous lies that are whispered to girls in our society.  However, having said that, my sister made the comment that regardless of her good self-esteem, there are still times when she fixates on a certain characteristic, and becomes frustrated that she can't change something.  The example she gave me was that there was a time in her life when she was obsessed with her eyelids.  She said she felt her eyelids were too hooded and it bugged her.  She spent a lot of time thinking about it, trying different things to she if she could make the hooded eyelids less noticeable, etc.  Eventually I guess she just realized it was a ridiculous fixation and got over it.
In our conversation a couple weeks ago, she made the comment that despite all of the time and effort we spend into our physical appearance, in the end it is completely pointless.  Because in the end, as in after this life, we will all be resurrected.  In the Book of Mormon, in Alma chapter 40 verse 23, we read:  "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame."  When we are resurrected, we will have perfect bodies, every single one of us, no matter if we have been good or if we have been evil (see Eternal Life--Definition).  So why do we need to worry so much about what we look like?  What we really should be focusing on is our spiritual appearance. 
Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we have the possibility to become clean of our sins and live with God again.  To inherit this aspect of Eternal Life, however, it is absolutely necessary that we become clean.   "And no unclean thing can enter into his kingdom; therefore nothing entereth into his rest save it be those who have washed their garments in my blood, because of their faith, and the repentance of all their sins, and their faithfulness unto the end."  (3 Nephi 27:19)  So instead of spending all of our time trying to change our outward appearance, we should be focusing more on what really matters in the end.  We should fixate on those characteristics that take us farther away from God and do all that we can to eliminate them.  We should focus on developing a thorough spiritual beauty regimen, making habits like daily prayer and scripture study that will prevent unwanted characteristics.  We should focus our efforts into developing Christ-like attributes.

 Alma chapter 5, verses 14-16, 19, read:
 14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

 15 Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?

 16 I say unto you, can you imagine to yourselves that ye hear the voice of the Lord, saying unto you, in that day: Come unto me ye blessed, for behold, your works have been the works of righteousness upon the face of the earth?

 19 I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?

Let us ever be diligent in making our spiritual selves more beautiful, repenting daily and accessing the most wonderful gift of the Atonement of Christ.  No matter what we do in this life, we will have a perfect body when all is said and done.  Let us strive to have a perfect spirit as well!

The Diva Inside

Lately me and my sister have become addicted to a show called "Drop Dead Diva", about a ditzy model who dies and somehow comes back to earth in the body of an uber successful lawyer who died at the same time she did.  The character struggles to adapt her old life with her new life, as she is not allowed to tell anyone who she really is and must pretend to be "Jane" while still being her old self "Deb".  As I was watching the show this last week, I realized that I often feel the same way about myself, only with me it's the pre-brain damage Carly vs. the post-brain damage Carly.  Although now that I think about it, it might be more than just brain damage, I'm sure the move across the country and back also played heavily into my warped personality. 
Every so often I get these random waves of nostalgia as I think of the old me and wish I had some of those characteristics still.  Sometimes I wish I still knew the entire starting lineup of the Boston Red Sox off the top of my head and that I watched ESPN every night.  Sometimes I wish that I was still the translator for the USA websites of a couple Italian rock bands.  Sometimes I wish I had the energy to go to various activities, including operas, hikes, movies and social events.  Sometimes I wish I still could write amazing stories.  Sometimes I wish that I still had the brash confidence to fulfill my dreams on the spur of the moment, no matter how crazy they were.  Sometimes I wish that my brain didn't hurt as I try to commit things to memory or that it didn't take 110% of my effort to stay focused. 
Having said that, however, there are changes to my personality that I do like, and that I am grateful for.  I'm a lot more patient now.  While I suddenly struggle a lot more in social situations, I have a lot more compassion and ability to relate and care for the patients at work that I see.  I rely more on the Lord than on my own "strength". 
Hopefully as time goes on, I'll be able to re-incorporate old habits I miss into the new me, and become even better than either the old me or the present me.  I discovered ESPN3, which will help me in my sports viewing.  I randomly bought a violin to teach myself how to play, just for fun.  And hopefully I'll be better and watching RAI and staying involved in my Italian.  I also have tickets to a baseball game and an opera, so I feel like progress is being made. 

Desperation

This blog post comes courtesy of my sister, who had quite an enlightening thought last night.  In our Family Home Evening lesson, my roommate was talking about a quote by President Henry B. Eyring, where he states that while we may have times in our lives where we have major and obvious trials of our faith, the times in our lives when everything is going well is when we really need to evaluate our lives and then we will find trials of our faith as well.  So as a group we were talking about what this might mean in our lives and how we can overcome these trials of our faith that we don't realize we're having when life is good.  My sister had a wonderful thought, which she shared with me later that night.  She said that when we are at are worst, when we have our most major trials, that is when we are on our knees, crying in desperation for the Lord to save us.  What we fail to realize/understand is that when life is going good and we have no problems, we need the Savior just as desperately.  No matter how good we are in this life, we are not good enough.  We desperately need the Atonement of Christ to overcome our sins, our weaknesses, the fallen nature of man.  If we could strive to go to the Lord in humility, realizing our absolute dependence on Him and our absolute necessity of His Atonement, then maybe we could constantly overcome the trials of our faith, whether they come in times of trouble or when life is going good.